Thursday, October 20, 2005

Boundless strikes again!

Seen on today:

"Some people try to argue, wishfully against the empirical evidence, that children of divorce will marry better than their parents because they know how important it is to choose well. But the deck is stacked against them. Not only are many of them frightened of marriage, in whose likely permanence they simply do not believe, but they are often maimed for love and intimacy. They have had no successful models to imitate; worse, their capacity for trust and love has been severely crippled by the betrayal of the primal trust all children naturally repose in their parents, to provide that durable, reliable, and absolutely trustworthy haven of permanent and unconditional love in an otherwise often unloving and undependable world. Countless students at the University of Chicago have told me and my wife that the divorce of their parents has been the most devastating and life-shaping event of their lives.3 They are conscious of the fact that they enter into relationships guardedly and tentatively; for good reason, they believe that they must always be looking out for number one. Accordingly, they feel little sense of devotion to another and, their own needs unmet, they are not generally eager for or partial to children. They are not good bets for promise keeping, and they haven't enough margin for generous service. And many of the fatherless men are themselves unmanned for fatherhood, except in the purely biological sense. Even where they dream of meeting a true love, these children of divorce have a hard time finding, winning, and committing themselves to the right one."

Seems pretty dire, doesn’t it? The problem is that there is absolutely no mention of God’s healing power, His majestic grace poured out on us. Yes, we’ve had some hard knocks, but that’s not the end of our story!

For many of our parents, the Church sees divorce as the unforgivable sin; for many of us, the Church sees our status as children of divorce proof positive that we’re damaged goods. I’m sad that this author has decided to perpetuate that low opinion of our Savior’s redemptive power.

I for one believe that God is bigger than my parents’ divorce. I believe He can heal the wounds of my heart. While the author above neglects to cite his “empirical evidence” for our poor marriage choices, I disagree based on what I see around me: children of divorce in good marriages, working hard to make sure they stay good; having children and turning out to be excellent moms and dads; generous with their time, imminently trustworthy, and hopeful for the future.

Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”


Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

This is unbelievable. It's like Boundless is calling all singles to forego dating anyone whose parents were divorced. I don't understand. What about grace and redemption and not judging someone based on what their parents did?

All of my grandparents were divorced, but my parents have been married forty years. I think their experiences, especially in my dad's case, made them determined to do things differently.